Highs and Lows.

I want to be done being pregnant.  I'm tired. I have gotten super emotional the past couple days so I'm hoping the horomone surge means something.

The other morning I was doing the dishes before I had to go to work.  David, trying to be cute, smacked my butt while I was filling the dishwasher.  My response: "Seriously, I don't have time for this, I actually have to go to work".  I felt like an asshole the second it came out of my mouth but it made me realize how much I resent that he gets to be home all day. I know I'll go crazy being home the whole time but it's like, I'm 38 weeks pregnant still working 40 hours a week and you don't have to. I know if I said I was done working, he would be fine and support my decision but I feel too guilty doing that. 

Unfortunetly, I didnt realize how much it was starting to bother me.  I made the comment that I wanted to go to a store and he goes "just go tomorrow, you have the day off" and I snapped back "It's my only day off this week, I'd like to get to sit and relax for change and not spend my one day off running around doing errands".  Yep, I'm still an ass. I know I have every right to be jealous of his new schedule but it's not fair for me to hold it against him.  He would not be sitting at home every day if he had his way.  he is being helpful; today he vacumed, gave the pups baths and he did the laundry the other day.  I just need to relax I guess.

Speaking of relaxing, I'm antsy. I want my baby. Plain and simple.  At the doctor today, I was told I'm measuring right and the baby has a strong heartbeat.  the baby has officially put itself in position being straight up and down rather than kicking off to one side.  He asked if I had an apointment for next week but told me if I see blood, have regular contractions or my water breaks beforehand to call.  I am trying so hard to not get my hopes up but I would LOVE my baby this week. I can only hope and cross my fingers.

On the workfront, today my boss informed me that even if I do not go into labor by the 5th, it will be my last day at the store.  She will be taking vacation starting the 6th and with covering managers and me being at 40 weeks, she doesn't want to schedule me.  I understand.  Im just nervous that I wont go into labor and then I'll be waiting for it and not working.  David should have unemployment by them so it will calm me down a bit but we all know me...

However, a good thing is... I won two tickets to the Drool Baby Expo that I blogged about before! David doesn't want me driving to Boston alone but also won't go with me so I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I'll figure it out.  I'm also guessing since I won the tickets, I'll be in labor this weekend and wont be able to go to the show! Haha. That would so be my luck!

I don't know, I'm scattered across the board and I'm not really sure how I feel.  I'm tired but excited, scared but hopeful, eager but petrified.

The whole time I've been typing this, I get a wierd feeling in my belly, it feels like someone is using a rolling pin and pushing the feeling into my vagina and then it spreads out to the sides and my back... maybe its a start?

Ugh... why didn't God give us a "labor is starting now" sign that pops out of your bag when its time???