Answers, or a lack there of.

So I've had a couple days to calm down and figure out exactly what is going on.  Unfortuntly, that's not really possible.  We have no answers and nothing figured out so I guess I'm just going to share the limbo we are in.

Backtrack to last month... Kristen and I brought David dinner at work.  It was the opening night of Scream 4 and he was having a horrible time trying to keep the young kids out of the theater.  His theaters rule is that if you are under 17, the adult needs to accompany them into the theater.  It's written in the theater and at the ticket window.  When we brought him dinner, there was a group of girls screaming at home because "mom had bought our tickets and now we cant go?!?" He had to deal with that mom and she left.  A group of kids went to go in and he asked where the grown up was.  The grown up accepted responsibility for the kids and the whole group went in.  A couple minutes later a guy came out of the theater and rudely says "So I got id'd, how come theres a bunch of little kids in the theater, didn't id them?" So Dave responded "No, they are with an adult so there's nothing we can do about them being in there". The guy muttered "That's fucking retarded" and walked away.  David turned to us and under his breath said "douchebag".  We laughed and a woman came from behind the wall and started telling Dave he was disgusting and rude and that he shouldn't speak to his guests that way.  Now when I say "woman", I mean a girl my age.  David apologized to the girl, she left, he kissed me and Kristen and I left.

David called the general manager to say heads up.. this is what happened and she told him that he had no reason to call, it was nothing.

Couple days later he informs me that the woman did call and complain but the manager told him he would be fine and most of the complaints are just given some gift cards and they go away.  We later found out that the woman exaggerated the story, telling them that Dave told her to "fuck off and mind her own business".  I don't know about you, but I know him and its a bit out of character but whatever... His manager proceeded to stay in touch with human resources but told Dave it was dead and over. 

On Saturday, they let him go.  No notice what so ever since his manager had said it was dead and over but in reality she was doing all of it behind his back.  I have some choice words to say but I will be the bigger person and simply say that jealousy and self-confidence issues will make people do ugly things and theres a special place in hell for people that knowingly sneak around and fire a man who is expecting a child in less than a month. Here's the kicker: we had our health insurance through his employer.

So we are in limbo.  As of THIS MOMENT, we are still covered under his employer; it has not terminated yet but I need to be ready for it to disappear at any point.  I'm 36 weeks pregnant. I could go into labor at any point and I need to know if my baby is going to be covered. I had a dr's appointment yesterday and immediately after went to the financial counselor to discuss options and what I could do. They couldn't do a thing for us because David's income was unknown until we spoke with unemployment to see if there was anything he would get.

Today we went to unemployment bright and early and after an hour and a half wait, we got to speak with someone.  They gave us his expected "income" and a letter to show the hospital.  It's not what he was making but it will help.  They warned us that it will take up to 3 weeks and there is always a chance that his employer could contest it, so let's not get too excited so pretty much: no legit answer.

We immediately drove to the hospital to talk to the woman.  When we sat with us she threw more roadblocks at us.  Ready:

1. Because David is collecting unemployment, we have to look at COBRA insurance, which is a continuation of his current insurance.  However, it's an employer assisted program so it will end up being very expensive, will need to have the premium paid up front, and we need to wait for the paperwork to come in before we can look at that option.  Oh, ya, and that's IF they offer us the COBRA insurance.  If they do not offer it, we are free and clear to utilize Masshealth. But, we can't do anything until we see if COBRA is an option.  If it is, Masshealth wont work for us because we have 'access'  to other insurance, even if it's outside of our financial abilities. Stupid. There is a different avenue to go down if we have to go through COBRA and have the financial hardship... that will be another form and application but we'll get to that if we need to. So that leaves us with no answer.

2. She did process a Masshealth packet for us, in the event that COBRA is not offered and then we will already be in the system and we can just go from there.  This will mean that if we do use the Masshealth avenue, we will be covered from this day forward and there is absolutely no breakage in coverage... but only if COBRA isn't offered. No answer again.

3. WIC wasn't an option before because we made too much money.  The woman processed WIC and SNAP for us.  SNAP will be in touch with us within the week to interview us and figure out if we have a true hardship or if we are simply trying to rip off the system.  This could be an issue because of the income limit.  If Dave doesn't get the unemployment, we will qualify.   If Dave gets his unemployment, combined with what I'm currently making at the restaurant, we do not qualify.  If we wait until I am not working, we will.  So it all comes down to timing I guess which leaves us with no real answer on SNAP.  WIC seemed a bit easier.  even with Dave's possible "income", we would qualify.  She processed our paperwork and gave me the number to set up an appointment to have an in person interview with WIC.  WIC will not give benefits unless you meet with them in person.  So I call and am told by WIC that I will need to bring proof of income and proof of insurance before anything can be processed. Maybe you missed the beginning of this, but both of those are completely up in the air so I was advised to simply wait until the baby comes.  At that point I will be a non-working, insured parent and the baby will absolutely get help. 

But wait Heather... you'll have insurance?
Yes.  By filing the Masshealth today, I am covered because of my "pre-existing condition" so even if COBRA is up in the air, or the alternative is up in the air or Masshealth hasn't been validated for David, myself and the baby are covered, even though I cant apply for it alone because Dave and I are married.  Make sense? It's a bit to wrap around but in a nutshell, because I'm pregnant, the hospital will absolutely take care of me and the baby and will ensure that I have WIC help when I leave the hospital, even if I don't have anything else figured out.

Did that calm any of you down because it hasn't helped me relax one bit.  It's still too many unanswered questions and I'll have to just sit and play the waiting game, which we all know, I hate. I just have to remind myself that there is a baby inside of me who is counting on me to stay calm and relaxed because if I freak out too much I could literally force myself into labor.  Part of me wishes i would just go into labor tonight so that I know my insurance is still good, I would immediately have no income and even with the possible unemployment 'income' we'd still qualify for everything. That would be nice but let's face it... at this point I'm convinced that this baby is staying in until June 19th when they have to induce the thing out of me. I'll be working for the next 6 weeks while we stress about what's going on.

Thankfully, we were smart and have saved some money and stocked up on shampoo, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, dog food, and baby stuff so we will hopefully be in a good spot throughout the next few months but in the past 24 hours I've found myself questioning if I'm fit to be a mom.  I know it's self-loathing and disgusting but why were we able to get pregnant? I work at a restaurant, I hate my job, we live in an apartment and now Dave has no job but someone above us thought we were acceptable to be parents? What about the married couple with a house and 2 full-time, fully benefited jobs.. why can't they get pregnant? I'm sure a child would do much better in a household with that set of parents than with Dave and I right now.  I don't even know how we're going to take care of ourselves right now, never mind bringing a baby into this world in a month.  Does He know what he's doing up there? Like did he really pick right or was he supposed to pick the couple on the list next to us? I know that we are going to be wonderful parents, I just wish we had more to give him or her.

I have to keep telling myself that we will figure it all out and everything will end up the way it needs to but I can't help second guess everything that's happening. I will give up everything to take care of this little one and I guess that's what's going to have to happen until we get some answers.

This song has been going through my mind all day and I guess it kind of vocalizes what we're going through. 

I'm not proud of our situation but I will not let it get the best of me.  <3