Puppy 9-1-1

This is my pup. Well, one of them, the older one.  She's my little shelter pup that I adopted 2 years ago with my then boyfriend, Matthew.  After a long messy relationship and breakup, Matt opted for the condo we had and I got the pup; I seriously couldn't have been happier with what I got. The top picture was her playing in the snow 2 weeks ago and the bottom is the first picture I took of her... gained 7 lbs and grew into her ears a bit... that's about it.
Last night was interesting. When I got home from work David showed me a small flat lump on the inside of Sable's leg. It wasn't red or swollen and it didn't hurt her when we touched it so we figured we'd call the vet in the morning and set up an appointment.
Flash forward to 10 pm and I'm crawling into bed. The pups roll over for their belly rubs and Sable's small bump has developed into a 3 in by 1 inch, very large, very red, very swollen bump. Still doesn't hurt when we touch it (at least not that she's showing) but we weren't taking any chances.  We called the emergency vet in Bridgewater and the doctor advised us to come right in saying that she feared a hernia by the way we were talking. Hernias in dogs are not like people hernias, their actual organs begin to push through their stomach linings and it can be fatal.
So the first thing we did was x-rays, which ruled out a hernia. The stomach lining is intact and the organs are all where they need to be.  Great, so whats causing it? An ultrasound shows a fluid pocket but there's no known source for it. And why did it come on so quickly?
The blood work showed a normal count of red and white blood cells but also a bacteria. However, the bacteria count was slow low that and the white blood cells seemed normal so it may be whats causing it, but we're not sure. 
After 2 hours of sitting in the room waiting for an answer, we were told they don't have one. She would need to stay the night on antibiotics and antiinflammatory medicine until they can have a surgeon take a look at her.
Leaving the vet, I cried. probably from horomones but I just cried. By the time we got home I was so tired I passed out before I hit the pillow and didnt wake up until 6 when my alarm went off. Snooze. Back to bed til 8:15 am. Wow.

The doctor just called to give us an update...

The swelling is still there but seems to have gone down a bit. They are sending out a citology to ensure that it's not cancerous but it looks like they will be bale to treat it medicinally, rather than surgically. She'll have antibiotics for two weeks and the antiinflammatory for a week. Couple that with warm compresses two or three times a day and a check up in a day, and we've got a sick little puppy. Now I just have to wait the next hour until I can go up and get her. 

Driving home, David and I had the talk about what would happen if it was somethign surgical or cancerous. What if she could "give it" to Bailey? Thankfully we spent much less than we expected to last night, but while we're looking at moving and a first,last,and security for that place it reeeeallly was inconvenient. Yes, I'm an asshole. My puppy being sick is inconvenient. I've already been stressed about money and the living situation and now I'm not sure whats going on with my puppy.  I wish I could say I'll do anything to make her better but we have a small savings account and a baby on the way. My hospital bills and the baby's care needs to be the priority. I would hate to have to get rid of her but that's the reality of a family vs. a dog. Thankfully the doctor seems to think this will go away with the medicine and we can reevaluate from there.

I'm very sad and very happy right now. Clearly I'm not at the school right now but I'm covering a shift at the restaurant tonight so it makes up for it.  Tomorrow's the ultrasound for Baby Gifford, Wednesday Ill be in the school, and I have a sub job for Thursday already. We'll make it work, we always do.

A reminder.

Last night I barely slept; I think just too much on my mind. I try VERY hard not to get focused on the downsides of life and let it get me down but this week has just been blah.

This morning I was reminded how very lucky I am.

I woke up to a back rub from my husband, concerned because I hadn't slept well. David and I felt baby kick (quite a bit) as we laid in bed, and the puppies snuggled with us.

And most importantly, a plan my mom and I have been trying to put together seems to be happening. Nothing makes me re-evaluate my own life and look at things in perspective better than when I'm doing something to help someone else.  makes me distracted and I realize how different things could be.

One of my younger cousins found a lump in her brain; she's 11 years old.  It's benign but still very scary for all of us.  On New Years she made a list of her "wishes" for 2011 which include a trip to Greece, seeing Mary Poppins live, and going to the American girl store.  This was before we knew it was benign.

Could you imagine that those are your three wishes for the year?  If someone told me there was something growing in my brain I would be going insane. Trips to places I had never seen, buying luxuries I'd never get to have and this little girl wants to see a play and go to a store (she had the Greece thing right :D ) Kind of makes you rethink your values, doesn't it?

Because they live in PA the American girl store is not close by any stretch.  There's New York City and the Natick Collection. We can do that. And then I get an email. Apparently being a theater going/loving geek has paid off because my inbox shows an email for a special discounted rate on... wait for it.... MARY POPPINS TICKETS!

This is perfect right? Everything is falling into place and it makes me so happy.  I'm stressed about which apartment I'm going to have and which if the jobs I have is going to have me work, and I'm stressed because I have a baby on the way. Seriously, STFU Heather.

An 11 year old's dream is to take a train to visit, go see a play and go to a store with her cousins and I'm stressed out because of opportunities being presented in front of me.  I feel like an ass. I'm just really glad that I have people in my life who can remind me how wonderful everything I have is.

So today, do something silly, play/call a friend, get excited about something small and remind yourself that one day, those were the only things that mattered.

Today I am angry.

I am usually a very happy person; sometimes I get stressed, but VERY rarely, I get angry.
Today I am very angry.

The Wareham complex cashed my check. To me, that's a good sign. We watched another person come in and pick up his check because he had decided not to go to the Wareham apartments. So if they cashed it, that must mean we have something right? Well when I called Wareham, they told me to email the management company so I did. No response back all day. Ugh.

Go to work. My manager is a moron but I'll leave it at that. You know those people that you look at and you are like how did you physically make it this far in life? The people that you see walk towards you and you brace for your blood to start boiling because you seriously just don't want to breathe the same air they do? Ya, that's her. She's a moron. She makes me hate being at work. thank god I like everyone else.

I ordered a book from Amazon yesterday and paid extra for overnight shipping so I could read and get my assignemnt done for Tuesday's class. When the package still hadn't arrived at 4 when I left for work I left a note on my mailbox that said "Please leave the package for me  if no one answers the door. I NEED it for class and can not wait until Monday to receive it." I printed and signed my name so that it could be left. Nope. Came home to a "1st delivery attempt" slip from UPS. Fuck you.

And to top it all off, I'm still angry from the other day.  Now this is the first time that I have to play the "if I write about this I may hurt some one's feelings" game with the blog but I find the more I get out the better I feel so I apologize if I upset anyone but at the same time, I was upset by their actions.
We went to lunch and our bill was 43 dollars. Now I purposely ate a very inexpensive meal so I could order dessert and still be around the 20 dollar mark.
My meal (soup and bread sticks): 6.95
My drink (Shirley temple): 2.95
My dessert(mousse cake-yum!):6.50
Grand total: 16.40

Now 43.00-16.40+ 1.50 (round up for tax)= $25.10

They had a real meal, a glass of wine and a dessert.

The person I was with had two $20's and 3 $1's and proceeded to leave $23 so they didn't have to break the other $20. Not only did they not pay for their whole bill but neglected the tax and the server's tip entirely. Now I know it's only an extra few bucks to cover there meal and tip ( I ended up putting 19.47 on my "half" of the bill) but then I felt obligated to still leave our VERY GOOD server a GOOD tip.  I ended up leaving $27 for my $16 meal because someone else didn't want to break a $20?? How did I get a bowl of soup and a soda and end up paying more than your legit meal and glass of wine?!?
David and I do well. We are not rich by any stretch, but we also aren't concerned about getting booted out of our apartment anytime soon but with a baby, maternity leave, subbing up in the air and the rest-- why should I cover for someone else? They didn't even say thanks for covering their extra! Its like it was just expected that I would cover it, and I did. Needless to say I will reconsider meals out with them next time...

I know its silly and stupid but it really upset me and now that I've put it on "paper" I feel a little better.  The anger has subsided slightly and tomorrow's another day. Cross your fingers its a good one and I get some answers.

My brain is a hodgepodge.

I feel like there are 82,004 things going on in my head and I'm having a hard time keeping everything organized.  Its weird though because I kind of like having things up in the air. Its stressful but I feel like I have so much going on and Id rather be overly busy than sitting alone in my apartment every day. So hopefully by writing it all out this post will help me clear up my brain and give the world some insight to what the eff is going on right now, because I'm not really sure either.

1. This blog. I have over 800 views, not counting my own. In 3 weeks? That's crazy to me. I don't even talk about anything good. Haha. It's crazy what this electronic desire to know everyones life is doing to people; I wonder how many people read this that I actually know. The demographics stem to England, Canada and even one view from Australia. how interesting can my life be that some from Australia viewed this blog? This blog full of books Ive read, useless knowledge about things I like and don't like, and that's about it. It's cool. It's weird, but it is still very cool.

When I was younger a blog destroyed my self esteem and what I thought was a developing relationship. Oh well. I never thought I'd be writing one and people would actually read it.  I am hoping that in the next few months I can document the next steps in my and David's lives. Hopefully, one day we'll look back at it and laugh at how ridiculous we were and it may even be a good start for baby and a way to keep everyone else in the loop. Between pictures, videos, and posts, I hope to keep people in the loop who wouldn't normally get to see us or the little one as much as they'd like.

2. The living situation. As I've mentioned before, we are moving. A week ago I would have said we are moving across the cul-de-sac to another apartment in the same complex we are in now. For anyone who doesn't know or has never been here we live in The Residences at Buttonwood Park.  It's a nice place, it really is.  We're on the New Bedford/Dartmouth line and honestly, once you pull into our place with the grass and the very few people around, you wouldn't know it;s New Bedford, but it is. And it always will be. I have tried very hard to assimilate to the area and I've done well but if I found something in the same price point that's just as nice, or nicer, and not in New Bedford I would move in a heartbeat. Which brings me to my next bit of information. We found another place called The Village at 815 Main Street.  It's in Wareham and its GORGEOUS. It's a brand new development that was just finished in August and started leasing in October.  I found a 2 bedroom town home on Sunday and went in first thing Monday morning to talk to someone about getting in.

When I arrived the woman was going through messages from the weekend but paused to inform me that they had no vacancies and had leased or promised every 2 bedroom town home unit already but if I wanted to fill out a card they would be in touch. Half way through filling out my contact information, a message is played and it is a gentleman asking to remove his hold on his unit because he had decided to go to the Pinehills instead. Oh.em.gee- it was destiny. So the woman looked at me and said, well we just had one open if you'd like to take a look.  A half hour later I had finished all the paperwork I needed for my application. David went when he got out of work to do his part of the application and now we are playing the waiting game.

So best case, Wareham comes back in a week and says we can move in asap. The unit is vacant and then all we'd have to do is work it out with where we are now to stay for a bit. The complicated part is that our lease here is up Jan 31st however, we have been planning on moving to another unit across the way. We were originally told that the other tenant would be out on the 31st and then the complex requires 5 to 7 days to clean up, do repairs and get it ready for us and then we would have another week to move between the two units. Which to me, puts our move out date at Feb 14th-ish. I imagine then they would use the 5 to 7 days to clean up our unit and would begin renting it on the first of march.  However, I don't know if we will hit any complications if we ask to just move outright on the 15th.  I also don't want to ask our current person any of this and complicate things further if for some reason we don't get approved for Wareham. But since we are still waiting for Buttonwood to update us or tell us what's happening (we haven't heard form them in about 2 weeks) its getting slightly stressful.  I know it will work out, it always does, its just weird being up in the air and not knowing for sure.

3. Speaking of not knowing lets talk about work. The preschool is still at a standstill and Friendly's has become a Friday, Saturday, Sunday thing but the subbing is not as consistent as I thought. I didn't get a call Monday, got 2 calls yesterday, didn't get a call today. tomorrow looks like it will be a snow day so who knows. I really don't want to crawl back to Friendly's especially since there is still hope for the preschool pending my doctors appointment. If you missed that, catch up here.  Yea, it's fun. So I'm stuck and the longer I sit stuck the less money I have coming in.  We'll be fine-- we always are but it's stressful.  I canvased Indeed.com today and applied at so many places, including places in Wareham Crossing (yes, I'm remaining optimistic about the townhouse). 

4. The baby. Its still weighing on my mind that the baby is smaller than what they expected to be at my last appointment but I know there's nothing I can do or think about until my next ultrasound on the 1st.  hopefully the little one will cooperate this time and actually flip around so we can see it's heart and double check everything. Unfortunately, Ill still have to wait another week before I get to talk to the doctor and find out if I'm having a little baby or a baby later in the month. Little one is a scootch, that's for sure.

5. Last but not least, school. Yep, it started again. I love school, I really do. Three graduate courses Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights. Really it'll be easy.  My Tuesday night course is on teaching English mostly focusing on Literary Theory and Criticisms, thank you Jadwiga Smith for my crazy "shoulda been a grad class" undergrad class at BSU. I'm all set. Wednesday nights is how to teach English to Middle school and High school specifically. Yep. Our two major texts are The Giver and The Book Thief. Plus its with a teacher I've already had so I know she's easy. Not easy, it's a lot of work but I know her grading scale and she seems fine enough. Now Thursdays, I'm not so sure.  It's a class on Urban Social Issues and how they play into being an educator. The class seems easy enough but I've never had the professor and I think its the first professor I've ever had whose not on Ratemyprofessor.  I've been told he's a good teacher but we'll see. 

Speaking of which, I don't think I'm going to class tonight.  The school is closed at 6 pm and there's a parking ban at 5 pm.  My class is from 4-6:30.  I'm thinking if it's too dangerous for me to go out at 6, I probably shouldn't go out at 4 pm.  Just a thought. Great way to start the semester.  In my defense, I did email the teacher and ask but she has not responded. So instead I think I will put a roast in the oven for dinner and get some cleaning done. Ive already accomplished 4 loads of laundry today and brought out the trash.  I'd go return bottles and cans but if I'm going to drive to do that, I can drive to go to school, which Id rather not do.  I know how to drive in snow, I have an SUV, but most people are retarded and can not comprehend how to drive when there's white stuff floating down.


Now I don't want to be a complete Negative Nelly today. I am very excited about all of the opportunities that are coming up in my life, it's just hard to not have control of them since I always have control (and I must say my stress level is RIDICULOUSLY low for everything going on). I will end this extremely long blog with a couple of positive notes.

1. Mom bought us a baby gift already! it's so exciting and every time someone mentions the baby or the showers or life post-delivery, I get so excited. Baby makes me smile.

2. Since this just came on Pandora and always makes me smile, I'll share it with you.

Cross your fingers for me, say a prayer or do whatever you do-- it'll all work out. <3

Movement

 I guess I should add that I regularly feel baby movements now. I guess I forgot to mention it to people. Sorry. :(

This morning was pretty wonderful though. After getting calle dout of work, David and I took advantage of our morning off together (c'mon people... I'm pregnant, we all knew it was happening...) and when we were done he rested his hand on my stomach.  I felt baby and David yanked his hand and jsut started smiling-- he felt it too! I thought it was cute, David assumed the baby was pissed because we disturbed it's sleep. Haha.

I know it seems so small and trivial but a few weeks ago when I wasnt feeling ANYTHING from the little one I was nervous thats omething was wrong but now that I can feel it and apparently, other people can too, I am so excited. I promise I'll be better about updating what goes on with the little one so everyone can be included!

Things are gonna work out fine if you only will....

Shower the people you love with love.
My mom and James Taylor combined make some seriously good vibes.

And like always, Mom is right. Yesterday I was so stressed out because I did not receive a phone call from Fall River and I didnt even know if I was going to be able to just sub like I wanted to and today I was woken up by a call from Fairhaven. And the Fall River. So maybe it will be ok.

That being said, I accepted the job in Fairhaven, they called first, it's closer, I've been there before-- they win. This will be the first time I've subbed since probably 2008, yikes!

Wish me luck and cross your fingers that subbing gets me into a school for real come Fall!

Day 15 — A person you admire

Original Draft: 8:02 am.

Maya Angelou.
My mom.
My gradmother.
Tony Esposito.
Jennifer Smith.
Thats five to start.
There are a lot of people I admire and everyone has a different level of admiration from me. I am going to go more into depth with two women who I admire a bit more.

Heather Hedding.

The hardest thing I ever did was leave college.  I was really the first one to go straight to college after high school from my family and the otehr grandkids my age seemed to have no desire to go. College was always the plan for me. High school, college, become a teacher. But I couldn't just go to college, I had to go and be the absolute best. No one else ever put that stress on me but when you grow up getting all A's, it's what is expected, so imagine my shock and horror when I realized I needed to leave school.  I was unhappy and needed to get out. I felt like I had disappointed my entire family and that I had let myself down.

I met Heather through my mom. Heather's mom Lisa works with my mom and their friendship led to dinners at Unos which led to a very awkward conversation about being Heather's mom and so not to seem like lesbians who had a daughter named Heather, I became Heather and she became "Other Heather". 
The first time I really got to "hang out" with her was at my graduation party from Bridgewater.  I laughed so hard the whole time. She is an aamzing young woman who has a vivacity for life that I wish I had.  She is just a very happy person who makes other people happy.
Fast forward a few months and she's at my house for Halloween. I found out that she struggled with college the same way I did. I didnt know what I was doing there and why I was spending the time and money to be there. I loved my friends but it didnt feel "right" anymore. She also had to face her parents and be strong enough to stand up for herself.
I admire her for that.
I also admire her for her relationship with her younger brother, Kevin. One day I'm going to marry Kevin, or so he says.  I always want to say he's four (even though he's not-- it's just what I think of him as) and is autistic and I have never seen a sister so involved with her brother.  She may be the best big sister ever, and coming from me, that's a big deal. :P
She will do great things one day. She reminds me a lot of myself, second guessing and questioning everything but she lives life with such a passion and happiness that I didnt have that I cant imagine a million doors NOT opening for her in her future. She will change the world, even if it's only her brothers, and I admire her for that.

Angelina Fuller

I may be biased here because she is one of my best friends, but maybe thats why I she is one of my best friends, because I admire who she is as a person.
The girl has been dealt some pretty bad hands, has been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and taken much more crap than she shold have ever had to. No matter what, she's strong and powers through.
She is going through a lot right now, and because emotions can sometimes run high and I do not have much protection on the blog (meaning anyone can read it) I dont want to complicate events even farther. I'll simply leave it at the fact that I love, envy, and admire her strength.
She said to me one day that she was afraid she spent so much time being positive for everyone else that she forgot to say some positive for herself. I nearly cried for her right then.
I've watched her grow and mature in the five years that I've known her and she continues to aspire me with her dedication to her friends and her schoolwork regardless of what obstacles are thrown at her.



Updated as of 3:40 pm.

My blah mood this morning kind of put me in a gross spot.  I was quetsioning whether or not I should post on the blog because really, who gives a shit? Its just my thoghts and emotions and while I'm sure no on really cares that I'm in crisis over what classes to take, it makes me feel better to be writing and getting all of my thoughts out of my head. So I left the blog unpublished.  Its hard to write about who you admire and how much they have their life togetehr when you feel like your grabbing at scraps.
However, at 2:30 I went to wal-mart to go buy some file folders and a file box so I could organize bills, taxes, car information, etc so nothing gets lost in the move and I recieved a message on Facebook from someone telling me how amazed they were by me that I could post my thoughts and feelings online and not be concerned that people would judge me for them.  They said I gave them someone to admire and look up to because they hoped to have the same confidence themselves one day.

I am glad I am posting this article, even if it was originally written 8 hours ago because it always makes me laugh that someone can admire me while I sit in admiration of them.

But my ahdn hurts because I have typed WAY too much today so enjoy aand we'll see what tomorrow brings.

20 week ultrasound, well, maybe 18 weeks??

Today was our 20(ish) week appointment and everyone knows thats when you get to see what the gender is.  We however, will not be finding out what the baby's sex is until she or he is born.

I dont know if it's a boy or a girl but I do know that the thing is a little scootch.  It was asleep the WHOLE time we were at the doctors.  Even when the doctor had me roll over to try and help wake the baby, all it did was wiggle its little butt,stretch out its legs, and curl right back up. Cant really complain about a baby who wants to sleep, can I?

Here's a few pictures from the visit:

As you can see from the pictures, I am 19 weeks and 4 days, however, the doctor told me I was measuring smaller, closer to 18 weeks.  Anyone who knows me knows that my heart stopped beating for a moment because I thought of one of my friends who was told she was measuring small and then lost the baby.  All I could think was oh my god, I can't lose it at 20 weeks...  However, the tech told me that it could just be a timing error on their part because I had an irregularly timed period to begin with, or it could be becuase I had lost weight in the first 4 months of being pregnant and it was just resulting in a smaller baby.  My due date is presently 6/5/11, however, if the doctor deems it necessary, I could be getting my due date pushed back to 6/17/2011. We'll know a little bit more next month when I have a check up with my doctor at 24 weeks...or 22, I'm not sure anymore.

The little scootch was sleeping with his or her back to my belly and try as we might, we could not get a good picture of the heart so I'll be going back in two and a half weeks for another ultrasound.  All we could get the baby to do was yawn and curl back up.  :) 

So far, the baby has a great spinal cord so there are no concerns about spina bifida and seems to have all ten fingers and ten toes so we're doing alright for now!

This was the last picture the tech gave us before we left:

Perfect little fingers and an arm.  We're not sure if it's waving or saying leave me hell alone, I'm sleeping but I  just love the little thing.  I cant wait for June 5th, or 17th... whatever...

Day 10-- A picture of you from at least 10 years ago.

I. WAS. ADORABLE.

No need to explain this picture, I was super cute.  I also danced ALL.THE.TIME.
This was easily one of my favorite costumes ever and when mom posted it online, it made my life. Quick post because I want to do a baby update!

Day 9-- A Picture You Took

So I'm going with the sentimental on this one...

As you can tell from the awkward angle and me only being in half the picture, I took this myself as a "pull out the arm and pray to God it comes out well" kind of picture.

It's from our honeymoon in Newport in August.  We don't have many pictures of us together, let alone kissing and although we have a TON from the actual wedding, this is the only one we have from our honeymoon.

 We took a week off and had an amazing time; we didn't deal with flights or passports or anything, simply drove to Newport and stayed there for a few nights. 

This picture was taken on our last night there.  The sun was setting, the ocean was amazing and I was so happy to just be there with him. There's just something that I absolutely love about this picture (and him-- I even smile when I kiss him, if you can see it!). <3

Day 8 — A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life

So when I saw this topic I was struck with the main question: Who has changed my life?

There are the obvious candidates: my mom, my grandmother, my husband; the best friend candidates: Angelina, Emmy, CBurton; and the teachers who have made an impact: Jeffrey Morano, Tony Esposito, or Jennifer Pierson Smith but all of them seem too big for this type of assignment.  This should be reserved for someone who doesn't realize how much they have influenced your life. So here goes nothing, let's hope she reads it one day...

This woman ranks right up there with my mom in my eyes.  She is hardworking, dedicated, loyal to her relationships, and easily one of the strongest people I have ever met. 

I met this amazing woman about five years ago now at Bridgewater State and when I think of our first few months together I laugh because one day she told me she admired me, and I had thought the same about her.  She was devoted and dedicated to her school work; she was in the middle of a relationship that was so TRUE I couldn't believe that they were both college students  Most people don't have the capacity or maturity for a relationship like they have/had at that time. At that time I had no idea how important in my life she would be and I am so thankful for our talk time in my dorm room.  I truly consider her one of my best friends now.

As great as our friendship was/is, it really grew in 2009.  We took our "friend-cation" to Ft Lauderdale and I have NEVER had so much fun with someone.  The trip itself was ridiculous and amazing and when we came back it was prep time for her wedding.  Standing next to her in the church was one of the greatest honors I have had in my life and watching the two of them, I began to believe in marriage and its commitment to another person (side note: Anyone who knows me, knows this was insane for me because I NEVER wanted to get married).  I was between boyfriends and longed to have what she did.  Then they bought a house and I found myself yearning for it.  I wanted to be better, like her.  I applied to grad school and she even wrote me a recommendation.

Then I met the man who would become my husband and after a small (large) misunderstanding, we began to lose touch with each other.  I still thought about her often.  I was getting married, I had a man who looked at me the way her husband looked at her, and I felt the same way towards him. He made me happy and I wanted her to be a part of it so badly.  While I wasn't able to repair our relationship in time for her to stand next to me on the alter, she was there, and that's what matters. 

I finally felt like I was someone worth looking up to.  I had my life in order, married, in our own place, with a puppy, and it made me feel good. Like I had proven myself, like I finally deserved to be looked up to.  I had always admired her and I couldn't understand why or how she could admire me. Then I got pregnant. She found out pregnancy was going to be much more difficult than her and her husband had thought. 

I lost my first child when I was in school.  It was probably for the best.  My (ex)boyfriend at the time didn't want it and I felt lost and alone before the miscarriage, however, afterwards I felt like there was something wrong with me; like I was damaged.  When she found out they would have complications, she remained strong and determined to make it happen and if anyone could make it happen, it would be her.

Sure enough, they got pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried as well.  She refused to be beaten and she has changed my life because of that moment.

Everyday, she finds three good things in life. She has shared her story, day by day with strangers to offer support to them, and she is still optimistic for her family's future. In the past month I have stopped dwelling on what I'm not and what I don't have and instead have focused on the good.  I have to wake up early for work, so what; at least I have a job.  I have to clean my apartment, so what, it means I have a place to live.  When I wake up some days and don't want to roll out of bed I think of all the good in my life and it's so much easier.
That's the back story I guess so here it goes:



Dear Mrs. Casey Marnik Dobbins,


Thank you for changing my life.  Thank you for teaching me to see the good despite how many bad things are thrown in my way, thank you for helping me reach who I am today, and thank you for being a person I view as a role model.  You are an amazing woman and you will change the world.


xoxo.

Day 7-- Five Things I Couldn't Live Without

1. A camera or anything in the form of a camera.  An actual camera, the camera in my phone or any other means of capturing a moment forever.  When I look through my scrapbooks and old albums on Facebook, I revisit every event that those images present and I would be lost without many of them.

2. My rocks. (In no particular order) my mom, my husband & my siblings.  My mom is truly the most amazing person that I've ever met and having her in my life makes mine that much better. My husband is the male representation of my mom and when its the three of us, life is amazing.  It only gets better if you add in Nick, Derek, Kris and Abby.  When I think of these six people I think of a quote
                               "I am because you are" -- African proverb

3. My cell phone. Stupid, yes, unnecessary, yep, but I live in New Bedford and the rest of my family does not.  There are days I wish I could get rid of it so I could stop getting phone calls from work, texts from people I cant stand anymore, but without it, I'd be lost and disconnected from my family (see above).

4. School. Be it my classes that I'm attending, the classes I've already finished or the class I will hopefully teach one day-- school is an integral part of my life.  My best friends were formed in some level of school, I still GO to school, and now I'm teaching in a school.  Imagine what life would be like for me if formalized education had never been created?

5. Chocolate is the guilty number 5. paired with caramel, it's deadly. This only made the list because I DESTROYED a bag of Cadbury mini eggs tonight. Yep, a BAG.  I don't even feel guilty.  Add in my obsession with Godiva, Lindt, and even the little Bliss candies and I'm all set.  Tonight David joked my child would be "chocolate" from all the chocolate I've been consuming.  I'm fine with it.

There's my five. What's yours?

Today was a good day.

Today has been wonderful. beyond wonderful, easily one of the best days I've had in a long time. 

First off, I had the day off from Friendly's.  A day off is great, a day off where I don't have to go near there is even better  Don't get me wrong... it's great, the staff is (mostly) wonderful and I do well at it.  I've put in a few years already and I was very successful with the company.  However, i found that I could balance the "ehhhhh" side of Friendly's with the fact that I always had something else going on.  It was a part time job while I went to Bridgewater State, it was a full time job while I lived at home with my mom and the kids, and it was a full time job while I babysat Jack and Grace (aka. 2 of the most adorable kids ever who I spent a year and a half of my life with-- I'm sure we'll get to them again eventually).  NEVER did I just work at Friendly's. Since I left my two little ones at the end of August so I could balance a full-time manager job and my full time graduate studies, I have grown to resent the place more and more.  The job is the same, the people are just as good, but I'm missing something by working there.  I don't get to really interact with children.  It's one thing to ask how their meal is, it's another to sit them on your lap and read a story or watch their face explode with laughter after you "discover" them under the parachute. Which leads me to the next point...

2. I worked in a preschool today.  Not only did I work in it, but they offered me a position. Monday through Friday, day time hours, and they can accommodate my evening class schedule.  Seriously? I don't even have my CORI check back and they are offering me a job and letting me play in the classrooms.  That's the difference: at Friendly's, I work; at the preschool, I enjoyed myself.  After a talk with David about finances and the opportunity, we've decided I will accept the job.  this means I can step down at Friendlys and go back to just serving on the weekends.  Double win. I go back to the preschool in the morning. :)

3. I went to the doctor today, and if you ignore the fact that I was so preoccupied in the classroom that I was late to my ultrasound and ultimately had to reschedule it for Friday, it was amazing.  David came with me.  It was his first OBGYN appointment and he was so uncomfortable; it was great.  Although we missed the ultrasound he was in the room when they poke my belly, feel for the size of the uterus, and he got to hear the heartbeat. <3 David made the face that I've only seen a few other times. These include the night he proposed to me, the look on his face when I walked down the aisle, and few more intimate moments but it's a special reserved shit eating grin that I LOVE. When the doctor left the room, I looked at him and it just spread across his face.  I wish I could frame that image forever.

4. Kbiss came over for dinner and oh man, it was so good.  Rotini tossed with fresh veggies and chicken in a garlic butter sauce.  I may have outdone myself but it was so delicious.  Obviously you cant have dinner without a movie so I spent the remainder of the evening watching the new Narnia movie (for free) and eating popcorn (for free) and chocolate covered raisins (not free, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad). 

My life is nothing special but really when I look at it I wonder why I got to be as lucky as I am.  Today was a good day. <3

50 Book Challenge- Book 2

The Book Thief



...my extra credit book for this semester's class.  It was good.  Sporadic and difficult at times. Jumpy and engaging. Tears brimmed my eyes on the last chapters.  I am not book critic and I will never claim to be but if you can get past the 600 pages, you'll find a remarkable book that exams the Holocaust in a very different way. That makes 2.

Day 3- A Favorite Book

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE books.  I'm even considering asking everyone to give us a book for the baby's library instead of having them address a card. You know, like write the card information on the cover of a book... "To Tyler/Emmalee, Welcome to the world. Love, Nona ... and that way the baby has a whole bunch of books to read, color in, and rip up. <3

However, today the blog wants to know what my favorite book is.  Without hesitation I will reply with....

Not everyone knows about this book but I love it.  It's about a little boy who draws the whole world around him with his purple crayon.  The imagination and simplicity are wonderful and let's face it, he's cute as a button.  It's a children's book, its super small but it makes you happy and you cant help but what wonder, "what would my world look like if I could draw it all?"

The 50 Book Challenge- Book 1

I have been trying my best to assimilate into New Bedford.  I don't exactly blend in but I am trying which is a huge step from last year.  This is my home and this is where David and I will be for the next few years until we're ready to decide on a permanent place to root our family.

Today I walked around the North End ducking into little shops here and there.  Only half the shops spoke English and they giggled every time I'd walk by, but hey, it's a start for me.

I took another step as well and got a library card! There's a library in Buttonwood Park and I imagine it will be a wonderful asset to the park walks that I'll be talking with our little one but for now, I'll be forcing myself to be engaged by partaking in the 50 Book Challenge that the library has put on. 

The idea is to read 50 books between now and December 10th. Unfortunately, I got a late start and that changes my time line from a 52 week year to a 48 week time period.  That's a book a week plus two weeks where I pull 2 books.  I'm not scared.  Anyone who knows me knows I love to read and I do it very fast.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was done in 9 hours and Twilight only took a flight to San Antonio to finish.  I've got this.

I am however, in the middle of reading a book right now so it will count as book 1.

It's the main book for one of my classes this semesters and even though it's required reading, it's still a book and I'm counting it.  If you haven't read it, do it.  It's like the younger kids version of Brave New World, which I'm pretty sure will also end up in my list of 50 books.

If anyone else is interested in the 50 Book Challenge, read up on it here.

The 30 Day Blog Challenge

I've always wanted to keep a blog but never had the notivation or reason to do it. It's on my list of things to do and why not start it as my first attempt at the bucket list? I dont think I can come up with enough things to write about so I'll be doing the 30 Day Blog Challenge to help out. This is it and what it entails so stay tuned.

Day 1 — A favorite song
Day 2 — A favorite movie
Day 3 — A favorite book
Day 4 — A favorite television program
Day 5 — A favorite quote
Day 6 — A moment you wish you could relive
Day 7 — 5 things you could not possibly live without
Day 8 — A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life
Day 9 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — A song that you want played at your wedding (or was played)
Day 13 — A guilty pleasure
Day 14 — A vacation you would like to take
Day 15 — A person you admire
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry
Day 17 — An art piece
Day 18 — A time when you felt passionate and alive
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — Something you know you do differently than most people
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A way in which you want to be remembered
Day 24 — A movie no one would expect you to love
Day 25 — A recipe
Day 26 — A childhood memory
Day 27 — A physical feature you love
Day 28 — A scar you have, and its story
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — A motto or philosophy

The true reason for the blog.

My newest Bucket List

1. Go on a cruise
2. Buy a house
3. Have a baby
4. Start a blog... and keep it for 30 days.
5. Get a job teaching
6. Go on a safari in Africa
7. Go to Disney with my child
8. Go to London
9. Go to Atlantic City
10. See a show on Broadway
11.Eat at Sonic
12. Run a 5k
13. Go to Austrailia
14. Visit the Grand Canyon
15. Put my toes into ocean water in California
16. Ride in a hot air balloon
17. Visit all the MLB stadiums
18. Visit the Amazon rainforest
19. Visit Rome
20. Visit Egypt
21. Climb the Statue of Liberty
22. Go to a casino
23. Build a Habitat for Humanity Home
24. Have a spa day
25. Go to Greece
26. Start a college fund for my child
27. Go whale watching.
28. Attend the Macy’s Turkey Day Parade
29. Go to Las Vegas
30. Go to a Super Bowl.
31. Buy my husband a Movado
32. Own a pair of Manolo Blahiks
33. “Adopt” a child for Christmas
34. Earn a Masters degree
35. Get a PhD
36. Go to Myrtle Beach
37. Do a photo project for one month.


Every time I have started a bucket list I either lose it or forget what I had written down and then I lose track but by creating this blog I am not only crossing off an item on my list, but I have a place where it will always be and other people can join me as I go through my daily life and try and accomplish my dreams.

Privileged.

When I look back at my life, I think of one word: privileged.  I didn't grow up with super wealthy parents or in a neighborhood where everyone drove a Ferrari but I had many amazing opportunities and am I thankful for what I have on my life's resume already.

Before I can start a bucket list, I have to know what I've already done:

1.      Go to Paris

2.      Graduate from college

3.      Get married

4.      Get my own place/move out of mom & dad’s

5.      Have a dog (Ended up with 2!)

6.      Volunteer in another country (Belize)

And this was all in college! As thankful as I am for everything that has already happened, I am nervous and apprehensive as I go onto the next steps in my life and being the planner that I am, feel it necessary to try and plan that out as well.

It's time for an evaluation.

As my 25^th birthday rapidly approaches, I do what every good natured person does—I reevaluate my life. 

I love my life. Obviously, I’ve had bumps in the road like everyone else but I have always tried to look to the positive things in life instead.  My mom raised me that life could always be a whole lot worse and I’ve always tried to follow that approach. Without those bumps I would not be here today.

Let’s get back to today.  I am turning 25 in a month. Call it a quarter life crisis, provided I make it to 100.  What have I done, what have I wished that I accomplished, and what do I still hope to?

I wrote my first bucket list at 13 years old.  Of course it was dumb things…

1.      Have a real kiss.

2.      Travel the world

3.      Get into college

Etc, etc, etc…

…but guess what? I got my kiss, I spent a weekend running around in Europe to see Paris, and not only went to college, but graduated and started on my masters. Maybe it wasn’t such a silly list…

25 years old… let’s work on a new one.