Waiting.

Where to start...

1. Waiting to the baby.

I am 35 weeks along now, wierd.  At my check-up today I was told that baby is "textbook", the heart beat is (and has been at) 147, he/she is head down and is right on target; I'm measuring at 35 and I'm 35! According to the old wives tales, that heartbeat means its a girl... but that theory has been disproved so who knows, it could just mean it's a smaller baby because very often smaller babies have higher heart beats.... 

My blood pressure is on the low side at 108 over 66.  The doctor said there is not cause for concern right now, however the fact that I have the lower blood pressure correlates with the fact that nothing on me is swollen... my feet are normal and still fit in all my shoes and my wedding rings still fit.  Because I'm not holding onto all the excess fluid, I'm not seeing the spike in blood pressure. Baby is still moving around a bunch, I get my kicks and punches but its mostly isolated to my stomach and only my stomach area, which is soooo nice.  No more rib hits and the pressure that was on my pelvis has subsided for now.  there are times when it feels like the baby is going ot drop right out but nothing uncontrollable. Honestly, the most obnoxious thing right now is the numbness I feel on the top of my abdomen.  Right between my rib cage, probably 2 inches down from my bra, is constantly numb.  The baby is on a nerve so it's making it numb.  Once the baby drops down again the numbness should subside. I just hate waiting.

Waiting, waiting, and waiting.  Im so distracted because all I'm doing is waiting.  Can you believe its taken me over a half hour to type just this much so far?  I want to know the baby's sex. I want to know when he or she is coming.  I want to know what labor is going to be like.  I want to know what it's going to be like after.  I still stand by the fact that I'm not "omg, its so uncomfy I want to be done" but I think not knowing the sex is starting to get to me.

Also getting to me is my long shifts.  I like to think I can do it and handle everything I used to be able to and I just cant anymore.  I was in such pain yesterday after work.  My boss has cut me down to just weekends and smaller shorter shifts now that I'm in the last month(ish).  It scares me because all I see is my income going out the window but I need to do what I need to for the baby.  The leg cramps last night sucked and it was simply from being on my feet for so long yesterday.  I guess at 35 weeks pregnant, I should start to slow down.

2. Waiting again... for 10 years. 

Im not usually a politically charged person but I feel that last night's events need mentioning.  President Obama came onto the tv and informed the United States that Osama Bin laden was confirmed dead.  As the ringleader of the 9/11 attacks, his death is monumental.  I dont expect the world to be fixed and everything to go back the way it was but the closure that it offers for so many people is extraordinary.  Its hard to ceelbrate a death and not feel guilty (assuming you believe that all life matters) but in this instance, his actions outweigh the necessity for morality.  Obama's direction in the whole operation is nothing to be snubbed at, regardless if he did not pull the actual trigger. 

3. Waiting to hear back.

Saturday I went to a job fair at Fall River and after being invited to speak with someone/interview for an ELA position, I get there to find out that they had misread my resume and it was actually an ESL position. Ew.  The upside is that as I was leaving, the principal from a different school saw me and called me over.  I had interviewed for a long term ELA position with them in December but when I ofund out it was for the full year, I didnt think it was fair to comtinue on knowing that I was due before the year ended.  While speaking with her she informed me that the position, while filled for this year, will be open in the fall and requested my resume and said she would be in touch in June to set up another interview. It's a step closer.  It's not for sure and it will probably fall through but the fact that she rememebered me is a good sign to me. If I had to work in Fall River, its the most ideal school to be in however, tomorrow is my interview in New Bedford at the charter school and I'll go from there.  For all I know, I could still be managing the restuarant in September...

4. Waiting for stuff...

is over! David picked up the rocker while I was at work yesterday and it is all set up in the nursery now!

 I'm so in love. I sit in it alot and rock away, even without the baby.  It relaxes me and I can not wait to hold my little one for the first time.

5. Waiting to relax...

I now officially have a date for my prenatal massage! May 22nd at 1:30 pm courtsey of KBiss! I'm hoping to add a pedicure to that as well, I just have to work through the month and make sure I have enough.  It sounds so crazy to not be able to spend $50 on a pedicure but knowing that my hours are already getting cut and I still want to be able to pay this month's bills without touching the savings we have put away for when I am completely out of work. We'll add that to my "I'd love it if someone randomly gave me this" list. :)

Speaking of random gifts, David asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day.  My response was "I'm not a mom yet" and he said " Yes you are, you're a mom to our two (puppy)kids and we have another on the way" <3 I love, love, love him. But since he protested, I told him flowers to plant on the patio.  I don't want him buying me an expensive gift because his money is also going to be needed while I'm on leave.  I really do want a flower box on the patio, cut flowers die too quickly and having plants to water and tend to may give me something else to do while it's just me and baby at home but if I could ask for anything it would be:

1. A gift certificate for a pedicure.  Not even a nice spa, a crappy mall nail salon would be perfectly wonderful.  I just want to have one and since I never have before I think now is a great excuse!

---OR---

2. Someone to take me to a psychic.  I think it would be fun to see what the psychic would say about when the baby is coming and whether its a boy or a girl. I know its not definate or even legitimate, but it would be fun.

Spurning off of that, I am thankful I have him.  I am so glad we have the relationshisp we do and we are in the position we are in before having the baby.  I will never have a "baby daddy" or deal with a boyfriend who would rather go golfing than help organize for the new arrival. I see other people who are pregnant and how their boyfriends behave and I am just so thankful.

So maybe that's what this month will look like... more waiting and wishing.  Hoping for a baby to come soon and hoping for stuff.  Crossing my fingers for a healthy baby and a school to call my own.